Remembering ‘social niceties’ that ensure mutual respect and deference

At some stage in the future, lockdown will end. For months we will have been meeting, talking, and socialising with the images of people on screens. When we finally get to meet with them again, how will we cope?

Can we remember the ‘social niceties’ as we used the call them, the social conventions that ensure mutual respect and deference?

I thought it would be a good idea to share with you some of the social decorum or etiquette that we were expected to follow when we were younger (which is probably before you were born, dear reader). Yes, in such prose as these when addressing the reader they were often referred to as ‘dear’ or even ‘gentle reader’!) The following relate to ‘greetings’ in the 1960s. Some of these conventions are still applied by the ‘old school’!

• If a lady entered a room all the gentlemen were expecteed to stand. If a large room or hall, or in a large gathering it was understood that only those whom she approached would stand until she was seated.

• All gentlemen would stand to shake hands but the ladies would remain seated to do the same. (I believe this is still expected and correct behavior.)

• Unless they are a relative or long standing friend or aquaintence, no kissing is allowed. If the lady leaned forward for a peck then this could be offered or received, but this was unlikely.

• Anyone senior to us in years we would call ‘sir’ or ‘madam’, unless instructed by them to do otherwise. If respect needed to be emphasised then these could be used at any time.

• If you knew someone’s Christian name you would not use it unless invited to in an introduction. It would be Mr., Mrs, or Miss as appropriate. Again, Sir or Madam could be used if superiority is clear or even suspected.

• If passing someone you know, gentlemen should raise or touch the rim of their hats. If a lady then stops to engage them in conversation the hat should be removed until the lady moves on.
– there is a lovely story involving my Father. In the early sixties he was a civil servant working in the city of London, in Somerset House. The ‘uniform’ in the city was great-coat and black bowler hat. This hat was raised or the rim touched at all required moments. One day when returning home and almost at our garden gate, he met an acquaintance. He started to raise his hat. At the same moment, his acquaintance offered his hand for a handshake greeting which was also acceptable, but was a more familiar approach. Dad accepted this and so started to offer his hand in return. His friend had also realised the disparity and was starting to raise his bowler hat at the same time. My Mother relays this story as she was watching from the window and says that the greeting was attempted three times with hats being raised and hands offered alternately, until finally they gave up and just said hello.

• On ending the conversation, if with a lady, the hat was returned to the head and with a gentleman it was raised or the rim touched on parting.

That may seem very involved but that was the way we were taught to behave, the expected ‘norms’; and THAT was just for the greeting!

I am not suggesting we re-adopt these social expectations, this was just a bit of fun. But, we can be certain that when our ‘normal’ is returned we will feel very strange shaking hands with strangers or even standing right next to them in a meeting or gathering.

I used to give a talk called ‘Selling, Ballroom Dancing and Space Invaders’. The latter reference is to those who invade our personal space. I would not be surprised if our normal personal space has been extended due to ‘social distancing’.

Let’s hope we can soon return to ‘social nearness’, or for the brave, ‘social closeness’, and we can look forward to sharing time AND SPACE with everyone we wish.

Stay safe!

Some rules of emailing, yes, we’re still making the same mistakes

Some rules of emailing, yes, we’re still making the same mistakes.

How often do you receive and email and have objected to the contents?  The objection may be mild, it may be significant or it may be something in between?  Too many times

How many of us have written one straight back, assuming our interpretation is correct, and damaged that relationship?  Too many of us.

They say that the art of letter writing is being lost due to the convenience and speed of texting, emailing and the like.  Speed and convenience is a strong incentive to use these modes of communicating, however, make it too fast and it can be dangerous to your business.

Common mistakes:

  • ‘Hearing’ a tone of voice that changes the interpretation
  • Making a sarcastic comment that is either inappropriate or taken literally
  • Sending something which no-one has proof-read; which is poorly spelt and constructed
  • Only answering one question and ignoring the other three
  • Assuming familiarity and making it too informal for the contact

Some simple rules which should overcome these dangers and pitfalls:

  1. If it reads as though it was written with attitude, leave it and come back later. Try and read it with a smile on your face, it can sound so different!  THEN respond accordingly.
  2. PROOF READ everything. Poor spelling, grammar, or punctuation can suggest you are not thorough or professional.
  3. Avoid humour, particularly sarcasm. If you want to include levity, an exclamation mark could help to signpost this.
  4. Read everything received more than once and you will find other things which need a response.
  5. Read everything before you send it, to avoid these classic blunders, and others.
  6. Why not pick up the ‘phone?! It is more efficient and effective; you can cover more points in less time; you can build better business relationships.  Then summarise and confirm by email.  This is far more effective and professional than a rushed email or text.

Avoid the traps of fast texting or emailing and build professional relationships; use the ‘phone, or, even better, meet them face to face.

 

 

 

 

KICKING THE HABIT – and adopting a better one

KICKING THE HABIT – and adopting a better one

“Old habits die hard”.  Very true that one.

Another, which is one of my favourite quotes, is known as:

Einstein’s definition of insanity: ‘Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results’.

This is very true when it comes to training or coaching.  I’ll explain:

When training and coaching, we show the delegate(s) how they can do things more easily and more effectively, helping them to be more productive and successful.  We encourage the delegate(s) to embrace the new ideas and embed them in their daily routine.

They say it takes at least 28 days of daily repetition for the new skills to embed and to fully replace the ‘old habits’.

So, the concern of every good trainer is that, over time, old habits will creep back into regular use.  As expected, success obtained with the new skills starts to decline.  With the year following any training or coaching, the poor delegate is back to square one.  At this point it is not unheard of for the delegate or company involved to suggest that the training was ineffective, or even a waste of money!

Luckily, I have not received such feedback.

This is why the best trainers or coaches offer ‘refreshers’ on a regular basis, perhaps every 3-6 months, to help maintain the focus and to fully embed the new skills and techniques.  As an alternative, I also offer the Salient Mentoring Programme; a monthly re-focus and target management system that keeps people on track, motivated and successful.

Unfortunately, not everyone goes for more than the single, deep plunge they get from dipping into Salient expertise.  They feel that the short-term fix is all they need and for some this has indeed worked.  Some have grasped many of the new ideas and skills and applied them with tenacity.  These companies are seeing a marked difference in their sales results.

Glib though it may be, the saying that holds true in all these cases is simply:

‘If you want things to change, you have to make some changes’.

…and not let old habits undermine those successful changes.

  • Those on a diet do not stop as soon as they reach their ideal weight; they work hard to maintain it.
  • You may spend weeks or months achieving peak fitness. If you stop there it only takes a short time to return to ‘couch potato’ status!
  • The best mentors have their own mentors to help keep them at the top of their game. Sales people not at the top of their game will lose focus, and lose business.

Get to the top of your game and learn how to STAY THERE by refreshing and adding to your skills!

STEERING THROUGH CHOPPY SEAS

STEERING THROUGH CHOPPY SEAS

  • There are some people out there who just simply do not get what you are doing in business.
  • There are those out there who will show interest in your products, services, and in you, but they will then drop from the radar and not respond to any of your approaches.
  • There are those those who insist you drop the price or they will go elsewhere.
  • There are those who use you to put pressure on their present supplier and, in reality, have no intention of buying from you.

“If you have been affected in any way by the content of the above four statements……”

Seriously, there are many reasons that people will NOT place business with you, all of which can be overcome with careful application of recognised skills and techniques.

HOWEVER, political developments have added another issue to this list.  We are to leave the EU.  What comes next?  No-one really knows, and because no-one knows, many businesses will cut back on their spending, buying only the ‘necessities’.  If you do not sell their ‘necessities’, you are less likely, even unlikely to sell to them.

PROSPECTING AND SECURING NEW OPPORTUNITIES ARE LIKELY TO BECOME MORE DIFFICULT during the coming months.

More difficult, but not impossible.  Certainly, we will need to work smarter and have plans which are carefully constructed, timed and focused.  We will need contingency plans now more than ever, as we plough on into the political unknown.

To make sales; to make MORE sales in a difficult market requires new strategies, extra skills and techniques, contingencies, but most of all, it needs careful planning.

I have planned for this!  I have a coaching programme called ‘2020 Vision for Business’ (what else?!)  In this, we will work on sales and marketing plans, strategies and contingencies, taking sales to the next level and ‘scaling-up’ your business; to be the best while others may flounder.

Whether or not you book on the programme, you will need plans and contingencies for growing your business next year.  Don’t leave your success to chance.

Plan and prepare now, to grow your business, despite political and market forces.

Deal or No Deal

Whether you like or loathe the man, and there seems to be little middle ground Boris has always had a very focussed approach to Brexit.  He has a plan and a strategy, rightly or wrongly.

Comparing this withe Sales Process, and there are many prarallels, he is attempting to obtain the best deal for the UK from the EU.

In every sale, the backstop; the very last option has to be a no-deal.  In other words, ‘I am prepared to walk away and neither of us benefits from this relationship’.  But to make that a useful negotiating tool, it must be an option available to you.  If you are not prepared to walk away, no matter how much you want the deal, then the opposition will use this to their great advantage and to your disadvantage.

If they know that you are not allowed the option to walk away, the ‘no-deal’, then they will find it much easier to impose their needs and wishes over yours.  It gives you a weak position from which to negotiate because they know that in the end, you will have to accept a deal that favours their needs.

Unfortunately, parliament do not understand this, or, they feel that the risk of ending up with no deal is too great.  So, Boris’s hands were tied.

This point is similar to that discussed in my blog of March 2019 where the delegate was not allowed to walk away without the order.  Here as well, his negotiating power was weakened and the customer had, and played the advantage.

This is not an easy line to follow.  It may result in bluff and counter-bluff and a cool head is needed.  However, simply believing that you have the power to walk away from the deal (even if you have no real intention to do so) may be enough to help strengthen your position.

Make sure they believe you have the choice, and then secure a better deal.